Mixers and Bitches

It's so fucking complicated sometimes! The French want to add mix to everything! Leave my mother f"ing drink alone!
No, I do not want Perrier in my red wine! Nor do I want Coca Cola in it!

I would like a Perrier(1) and (2)Red wine. Fine, yes I'm double fisting. For god sake, I'm really thirsty and nice beverage would be delightful before the night's research begins.

It's seriosuly mind boggling that these people get through the day without 12 mixers in their sack.

So, here's the pinnacle of this phenomenon, and obviously when I had to write.

I go into a bar.
I order a Fernet Branca. (Yes the Branca part is usually necessary to help the Bartender identify). I allow processing time, and then I order a ginger ale or shweppes.

After the bartrendress gives me the standard look of disgust and "ew"I can see that she has now mentally agreed to serve me my drink. Although we both know what she is thinking.
So I watch her go pour. Just in case. (Well you know how the French can be). I notice she goes straight back to the bar and pulls a PINT Glass.

Readers: At this point, a few things are going through my head-

1.Gold Mine! Woohoo! I hit the jack pot! What is the name is the bar? Can I get a card? What are your business hours? Do you have a place for me to crash, maybe, just in case...? J'mepelle Diane. I'm sorry about earlier confusion...
and
2. Piss off! How hard is it to pour me a shot of Fernet???!!!!!!!!!!!!!ugh ugh why me?

[Now please understand that this is a real issue for me because most of the bartenders here shockingly, do not speak English. So when they start to fuck up, there isnt much I can do b/c
9 times out of 10, they really just want to be finished with the American.
So I'll continue..]

"Uh Uh Uh Mademoiselle? Perdon?"

No use. She is absolutely done with me and will pour the drink she wants to pour.

A very tall glass of fernet with ginger ale and coke. I assume she added the coke b/c I am american and we all love coca cola!

Bitch.

I take a sip. Its undrinkable. And to be fair, it may have been ok if the bottle of fernet was a good one. But I'll assume they arent serving much of this stuff, so it was in fact, one of those bottles that is so bitter, so messed up, that it literally just makes you want to lose it on first contact.

Check please.