IKEA

Yes, IKEA.

Quickly this went from being one of the greatest ideas I'd ever had to an adventure I needed to escape almost the second I sprinted through the door. (I was excited ok?)

So this all started with me promising Benoit 1 million dollars and dinner on me if he and Carine would drive me 20 minutes outside to Paris so I could pick up some cheap loot for my new apartment. I decided that this time Im gonna do my apartment right. I am in Paris afterall. So Ill get a few mandatory basics from IKEA and then decorate tastefully around them with exquisite French accoutrements and other expensive things to cover up the cheap ones from IKEA. Good plan right?

So the Panda agrees and he and Carine pick me up at 14h30 on Sunday afternoon. At this point Im beside myself with giddyness just to 1- be taking a car ride and 2- being able to see if France offers the same sort of IKEA ghetto-ness that Emeryville does.
*(Hint-Im still not sure, but be on the lookout for my "FrEbonics" entry that is coming soon. This is French Ebonics and Im pretty sure Im onto something with it)

Anyway, I believe this day can best be summed up not with Haiku, but with an outline of actual highlights and also special details perhaps Id forgotten prior to conjuring up this adventure. In no particular order...
Here we go:

-The majority of people in this store were going to be French
-I'm going to be outside Paris at what Im told is the Biggest IKEA store in France
-Im not French, nor am I Swedish. Thinking I shouldve brought my Swedish friend Michaela who... oh nevermind she is German.

-Its Sunday
-The Sunday theory: Everything else is closed, why not take the entire Family to IKEA?
-Babies/children/ tag/ hide and go seek/running/ crying and whining/reminder of if I ever want to conceive children. Ever.

-arrows pointing to your future direction within the store
-no one paying attention to the arrows showing future direction within the store (myself included)
-Mayhem and traffic jams now ensue partly because the French actually dont push or rush each other to please stand aside. They are perfectly content just waiting and standing close to each other for a few extra minutes. Everyone crunched up in the aisle just stops and continues with their small talk, politics, salle de bain, sejour, blah blah while whats his name Frenchie at the front of the herd ponders the intricacies of the STRATA PAX Collection.

-Wading through people and actually wondering if you physically pushed their child over if they would move to the side and let you pass

-Getting lost in the health and safety section then spending 20 minutes trying to decide if I wanted the bright yellow or blinding orange safety vest. Purpose for vest still unknown. I dont own a car and am not really sure busting this thing out on the Metro perhaps during a strike would be appropriate. Could be cute if bedazzled. Could be funny with friends at my place over wine and me deciding to "change into something more comfortable."
-Me buying not 1, but yes 2 safety vests.

-"Expo" does not mean the item is for sale. It essentially means "dont touch the display."
-Being explained what "Expo" means by the cashier as he removes half your loot from the cart and places it aside so it can be put back.

-In French, it's pronounced EE-KEY-AH

Im still pronounced Deeahhne and that was my experience at France's superstore.
All in all I got way too excited and distracted to even buy anything I really needed. Thats not to say I still didnt rack up a 400Euro bill, but hey it's IKEA and those vests are gonna come in handy at some point. Im sure of it.