The colors are changing. The trees, the clothes, and even the mood. Its autumn that has me feeling this growing need forchange and that has me missing home more than I ever have. Its also that Ive been here for just over a year and im really starting to feel it. Let me count the ways in my new 4 point plan for missing America...
1. Politics and the presidential race. Let me be clear my friends, I love this time of every 4 or 8 years. I cant get enough of it. I race home from work so I can get to CNN and watch the latest on gaffes and poll results. The poor state of America and its finances and the ugly war for the Chief, while highly amusing, also really tears at my heart strings. I cant explain it. I didnt used to be like this, but now for the love of God, I miss my people and find nothing funnier than watching John McCain discuss Jello and Joe the Plumber. There is nothing sexier than Barack Obama in a shiny suit staring back at me while Im curled up on my couch watching the race from afar. I guess my point is that i that I feel so far from my country's history in the making. On the bright side, Ive always got sexy Sarcozy to keep me grounded.
2. Frenglish. The biggest adjustment for me by far has been accepting the fact that in France, um really they dont speak English. Now Ive been trying to keep an open mind, and up to now I have been owning to the hope that one day France will turn to me and say "haha just kidding! we speak english, we just wanted to see what you would do!!" Sadly, I dont think this is going to happen. My french is minimum. Hear me out. I will not make excuses because I should be farther along than I am. The thing is, I tend to work on a compromise scale. I learn a word you learn a word.Ca va? Non. I have to do everything in this relationship and I feel like im being taken advantage of.
Between moving here and not knowing one single person, not speaking one word and not knowing one place of local interest (not tourist attraction), Id say learning french should have been at the top of my list.
For me though, it was broken down to finding friends, learning the wines and the art of chain smoking, and lastly, finding an apartment. In the first 3 months I lived here, I moved 4 times! Yes friends, 4. These are things that weigh on your mind that tend to put learning a new language on top of everything else in your life, well kinda at the back. And like I said, wheres the compromise? English can be nice. Yes its an ugly horrible language, but its not my fault its universal. Its universal. Love it or leave it alone. Its bad enough when I speak English here now I only speak in present tense. My french friends have minimal English that matches my French, so we speak in simplicity. For example, "Yesterday, I buy this sweater." Entre nous, c'est tres tres facil!
3.Ringleader. In San Francisco, my home, where my friends whom I call my family live, I was a ringleader. I made a plan, I set it into action and more often than not, people followed. I have that way that makes people like to do what I do. Its not egotistical. I just have good taste, so jump aboard the D train, Its fun here! Alors, a Paris, I cant take this role. I am perfectly happy following. I trust my friends judgment, and after one year, yes I have some reallly great friends. But the thing is, I really dont get to have a say. Why? Because I dont know what to say about it. Theres never anything I know I want to do. Expos and day stuff, yes thats fine. But at night, I cant recommend the new restaurant that my friend just opened or drag a crew to the club where my fave DJ is playing. Yes these are all things I guess I should have realized before (see part 3 re: not knowing anyone or speaking french when moving to France) but for gods sake, I want to contribute!
4. Le Mec. (the French man) Leaves a lot to be desired. They are generally all players. Or at least in my experience, I think le mec feels like he can woo me, and tell me tales of romance and love that will ultimately end me up in his bed at the end of the night. (Maybe because Im American and they think I dont know any better?) What I want to say is shut the F up. Youre full of it and I dont need to hear it. Look, if i find you charming and handsome, chances are youve got good chances. But I dont like to listen to the neverending (and trust me it can go on and on and on) saga of how and why I am the most beautiful woman in the world and we belong together. Cant we just talk casually, you buy me drinks and maybe we have a fling after? I prefer the direct approach and the large amount of bullshit that gets put it in my face is actually a turn off. But how do you say this nicely and in French?
Oh and I also dont like men who wear tapered jeans. its a thing I have.
